Skinny Jeans Report

Washington D.C.

Straight from the streets, I'm reporting on a horrific new fad. Skinny Jeans. This is the result of designers taking the beloved American staple, the blue jean, and screwing the economy. It’s related. Trust me. Let me show you how This Skinny Jean fad has resulted in loss of jobs, deteriorate sales, and suck the living soul out of a number of industries.

America is built on the blue jean. Companies, schools, jails, churches, and clubs. You’ll see them everywhere. Corporate America loves jeans so much they changed Fridays to make them Casual and allow for jeans in the workplace! I wish we loved Mexicans as much and then we could instill siestas.

They provide a comfortable option to khakis or slacks or dresses. They never get as dirty as khakis or if they do, you can barely see it. They don’t need uncomfortable dress shoes like slacks, and no one is going to take an “up-jean” picture ladies.

Yes, we love the blue jean, but Designers have screwed not only us blue jeans lovers, but they screwed the American Economy. Allow myself to explain…myself.

The first glaring FACT is that 34% of Americans are obese. Overweight to say it nicely. Fat to say it Rakafella styles. BAM! No one can fit into these jeans so you lose 34% of consumers purchasing new jeans! Now thousands of jean sellers lose their jean selling jobs and they can’t buy anything such as Starbucks on their break form the job they no longer have and Starbucks close and those are everywhere and then people get fired because they can't get their favorite morning coffee because they sleep at work. Skinny Jeans—yousonovabitch!

Now, Skinny Jeans are also making 34% of Americans want to fit into cool looking skinny jeans. Well, let's look at that FACT. Fat people don’t eat out anymore to pay for expensive skinny jeans. You see the trickle down effects for restaurants? Let’s zoom in and focus on Hooters! If you daym designers ruin Hooters for me I swear I will hunt you down!

Let’s look at the Fad and look of the Skinny Jean itself. Women, you are excluded. The skinnier the better. Daddy loves some choked out camel feet. But I digress.

Fellas, we re not built for skinny jeans! Relaxed fit is probably the lowest anyone should go. Saran wrapping your junk to your lap with denim is a health hazard in 12 states and illegal in 15! Seriously! And why do you pay money to get your jeans so tight you have to wear them off your butt and have baggy boxer shorts hanging out the back? That logic is comparable to me wearing a Starter Jacket under my Polo shirt WHILE popping the collar!!! Don’t be a douche bag.


Back to my original point. “Rak you’re jumping around on the topic, what are you saying?” Shut up imaginary audience I created for myself! What I’m trying to say is Skinny Jeans are awful aesthetically, economically, and emotionally (many people cry not being able to fit into skinny jeans! Shut up, I don’t care. It was devastating. Daym these football thighs.)

That the straight from the streets report on Skinny Jeans. Be on the look out for other crap on the streets I will discuss in this blog so that you will approvingly nod your head at while reading.

Peace~

Rakafella


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